Hiring a Lawyer

394  |  A Legal guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples
W
hile many relationship matters can be dealt with using the
information and forms in this book, it’s not unlikely that
there will come a time when you need to get advice or help
from a lawyer. Other times, you won’t need a lawyer, but you may want
to look up a law yourself. This chapter offers information on how to
find and negotiate with a lawyer, how to do legal research yourself, and
resources you can consult if you need more information or advice.
Hiring a Lawyer
Legal issues have become increasingly complex for same-sex couples in
recent years, especially for those who are married or registered as domestic
partners or civil union partners—or are considering entering into any
of those legal relationships. For many same-sex couples considering a
legal commitment, the cost of a consultation with a lawyer is money
well spent. A knowledgeable attorney can advise you about the legal and
financial consequences of entering into a legal relationship in your state.
And if you do decide to marry or register, you may want a premarital
or prepartnership agreement. In that case, it’s always advisable to have a
lawyer work with you on the agreement.
For same-sex partners in states that don’t offer any kind of relationship
recognition, many of the forms in this book will be adequate. But if you
have a situation that isn’t covered here or that seems outside the scope of
these forms, by all means take your questions to a lawyer in your area.
And if the situation is very complicated, there’s a lot of money at stake, or
children are involved, talk to a lawyer before making any big decisions.
You can ask a lawyer to help you in any of the following ways:
• review documents you’ve prepared using this book
• advise you about your best course of action in a given situation
• generate more complex forms than those that this book provides
• check your state’s laws on a particular subject
• assist you with an adoption, or
• represent you in a breakup or help you get parental rights, custody,
or visitation with a child.
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Know What You Want Your Lawyer to Do
Before you contact a lawyer, it’s important to consider what you want the
lawyer to do. Do you want to hand the entire case over to the lawyer? Or
do you want the lawyer to do only a part of the case, such as representing
you at a court hearing or doing some legal research for you?
There are three primary ways a lawyer can help you.
Consultation and advice. A lawyer can analyze your situation and advise
you on your best plan of action. Ideally, the lawyer will explain all of
your options so you can make the choice. But keep on your toes. Some
lawyers will subtly steer you in the direction they want you to go—and
sometimes that will be the one that nets them the largest fee. (On the
other hand, sometimes the plan that costs the most really is the best plan.
If you feel confused, it may be worth your while to get a second opinion.)
Negotiation. The lawyer can help you negotiate—for example, if you
and your ex are in the midst of a nasty breakup.
Representation. For almost any situation involving children—adoption
or a fight to see a child you’ve been coparenting—you may need a
lawyer to represent you in court. You might also need representation in a
property dispute if you’ve unsuccessfully tried every possibility to settle
your breakup issues.
Try to figure out what you are looking for before shopping for a lawyer,
if possible. If you want to start out negotiating but fear you might end up
in court, make sure you find a lawyer who is comfortable in both roles, as
negotiator and litigator.
Finding a Lawyer
Finding a lawyer isn’t a problem; the surplus is huge. But finding the right
lawyer can be difficult. Make sure any lawyer you hire is familiar with the
issues that are affecting you—don’t hire a bankruptcy lawyer to review
your contract to buy a house. Obviously, any lawyer you hire should have
some knowledge of LGBT issues, but that doesn’t mean they need be
lesbian or gay themselves. Still, a lawyer-client relationship should be one
of trust and confidence; you should feel very comfortable coming out to
your lawyer, and should do so at the outset. Also, if your attorney doesn’t
396  |  A Legal guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples
meet your initial expectations, you have the absolute right to fire the first
one and hire another lawyer.
A good way to find an attorney is through a referral from a satisfied
and knowledgeable customer. People who have asked a lawyer to
help them draw up prepartnership agreements or wills, or have been
represented in a custody dispute, may be able to give you the name of a
good lawyer for those tasks.
If that doesn’t work, try a lawyer referral service, which can give you
the names of lawyers in your area who handle the type of issue you have.
Most county bar associations, which you can find listed in the phone
book, operate these services. If you are lucky, you will get a referral to
a competent, experienced person. Unfortunately, many lawyer referral
services don’t do much screening, so some of the lawyers who participate
may not be the most experienced or competent available. This can be a
problem when you are dealing with cutting-edge legal issues like same-sex
marriages or custody cases, so be sure to check out the credentials and
experience of any lawyer to whom you are referred.
You can try using a lawyer directory, too, including Nolo’s directory at
lawyers.nolo.com. Other legal websites, like findlaw.com, also have lawyer
directories.
Another option is to call one of the organizations listed in “Legal
Organizations,” below. In some areas, lesbian and gay bar associations,
like Bay Area Lawyers for Individual Freedom (BALIF) in San Francisco
(www.balif.org), can provide referrals to local lawyers. LGBT websites
often have referral links, too.
Working With a Lawyer
No matter what approach you take to finding a lawyer, here are some
suggestions for making sure you have a good working relationship.
First, fight the urge to wholly surrender your problems to the “expert.”
You should be the one who decides what you feel comfortable doing
about your legal affairs. Keep in mind that you’re hiring the lawyer to
perform legal services, not make decisions about what you should do.
chapter 11  | Help beyond the Book |  397
When you talk with the lawyer, ask some specific questions. Do you
get clear, concise answers? If not, try someone else. If the lawyer says little
except to agree to take over your problem—with a substantial fee—watch
out. You’re probably talking with someone who doesn’t know the answer
and won’t admit it, or someone who is likely to be paternalistic or pushy
with you. If the lawyer admits lack of knowledge about some particular
issue, that isn’t necessarily bad. In most cases, the lawyer must do some
research to find out how best to handle your specific situation.
Once you find a lawyer you like, make an appointment to discuss your
situation fully. Most will agree to do this for a nominal cost. Your goal at
this initial meeting is to find out what the lawyer recommends and how
much it will cost. Go home and think about the lawyer’s suggestions. If
they don’t make complete sense or if you have reservations, call another
lawyer and continue the search.
How Much Lawyers Charge
Misunderstandings often arise between lawyers and clients over fees.
You can help reduce the likelihood of a fee dispute if you have a clear
agreement in writing, signed by both of you. If the lawyer doesn’t
mention a written fee agreement, ask about one.
If all you want is a consultation with an attorney to find out your
options, in most cases the lawyer should not charge much more than
$300 to $400 per hour. Some charge as little as $200 an hour, while
others charge $350 or more. If the lawyer is a recognized expert in the
field, or if you are in a major urban area, the fees are likely to be higher.
If you want the lawyer to do some negotiating on your behalf, the fees
could be substantial. A letter doesn’t take that long to write, however, and
as long as you are clear about what you want the lawyer to do and not do,
you can keep the bill on the low end.
If you hire a lawyer to represent you, the lawyer’s fee will probably
add up fast. Some lawyers might represent you for a flat fee, for example
$1,000 to $2,000 for a routine adoption, but most charge by the hour. If
you enter into an hourly arrangement, it’s best to write into the agreement