Social Skills

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Chapter 9
Human Development
2002; Steinberg, Dornbusch, & Brown, 1992). And frequent spankings in the first two
years increases the risk of behavior problems by school age for European American
children, but not for African American and Hispanic American children (Slade &
Wissow, 2004). One possible reason for these differing patterns is that disciplinary
styles can have different meanings in different cultures. When Chinese American parents use authoritarian discipline—which they do to a greater extent than European
American parents—their goal is usually to “train” (chiao shun) and “govern” (guan)
children so that they will know what is expected of them (Chao, 1994). By contrast,
European American parents who use authoritarian discipline are more likely to do
so to “break the child’s will.” In other words, each parenting style must be evaluated
in its cultural context.
Some people have suggested that parenting styles are a less significant influence on
children’s social development than are the influences they encounter outside the
home—especially peer influences (Harris, 1995, 1998). Research evidence does not justify dismissing the impact of parenting styles, but there is no denying the impact of
peer influences, either (Collins et al., 2000; Leventhal & Brooks-Gunn, 2000).
Relationships with Peers Social development over the years of childhood spans
CHILDREN’S FRIENDSHIPS
Although relationships with peers may
not always be this friendly, they are often
among the closest and most positive in a
child’s life. Friends are more interactive
than nonfriends; they smile and laugh
together more, pay closer attention to
equality in their conversations, and talk
about mutual goals. Having at least one
close friend in childhood predicts good
psychological functioning later on.
an ever-enlarging social world that broadens to include brothers and sisters, playmates,
and classmates. Psychologists have observed that from a remarkably early age—as
young as one year—children are interested in the behavior of other children (usually
their siblings) and that by the time they are a year and a half old, they know how to
hurt or comfort other children (Rubin, Bukowski, & Parker, 2006).
It takes time for children to learn how to interact with other children. Two-year-olds
in Western cultures are only able to exchange or fight over toys. By the time they are
three, they can use toys to get a response from peers. At age four, children converse
about the toys they are playing with, and at the end of the preschool period, they are
able to share toys and tasks cooperatively. This kind of play is important because it
shows children how to communicate what they are feeling and gives them the chance
to form their first friendships (Dunn & Hughes, 2001; Rubin et al., 2006).
In the school years, peer interaction becomes more complex and structured as
children play games with rules, play on teams, tutor each other, and cooperate—or
compete—in achieving goals. The school years are also the time when friends
become important and friendships become long lasting (Hartup & Stevens, 1997).
At this age, the most important aspects of friendship are companionship and fun;
psychological intimacy does not enter the picture until children become teenagers
(Parker et al., 2001).
Social Skills
The changes in peer interactions and relationships over the years of childhood reflect
children’s increasing social competence and understanding. Social skills, like cognitive
skills, must be learned (Rubin et al., 2006).
One important social skill is the ability to engage in sustained, responsive interactions with peers. These interactions require cooperation, sharing, and taking turns—
behaviors that first appear in the preschool years. A second social skill that children
learn is the ability to detect and correctly interpret other people’s emotional signals.
Much as children’s school performance depends on processing academic information,
their social performance depends on processing information about other people
(Slomkowski & Dunn, 1996). A related set of social skills involves the ability to feel
what another person is feeling, or something close to it (empathy), and to respond with
comfort or help if the person is in distress.
Children whose social skills allow them to understand another person’s perspective,
appreciate how that person might be feeling, and offer sympathy, cooperation, and help
tend to be the most popular members of a peer group (Izard et al., 2001; Rubin et al.,
2006). Children without these skills tend to be rejected or neglected; they may become
bullies or the victims of bullies. Parents, other adults, and even older siblings can help