Burial and Body Disposition

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Burial and Body Disposition
In marriage-equality and marriage-equivalent states, a surviving spouse
or registered partner can make decisions about the other person’s
burial and disposition of the body. In all other states, the right to make
decisions regarding burial and body disposition does not automatically
belong to a surviving partner. In many cases, that can be a source of
conflict between your partner and your family of origin. If you don’t have
written instructions, your biological family can overrule your partner
and make whatever arrangements they think are appropriate. In the
past few years, a number of states have passed laws making it illegal for
family members to violate a deceased person’s wishes as to burial services
and body disposition. Whether or not you live in one of these states,
however, many painful situations can be avoided by proper planning
and advance discussions, so lovers, friends, and biological families know
what you want. Advance Health Care Directives often confer the right to
make decisions regarding autopsy, burial instructions, and disposition of
remains.
Written Instructions
After death, a body must be disposed of quickly. If you haven’t left
written instructions, nearly every state gives control to your closest legal
relatives—your partner can be excluded from these important decisions.
If your partner has the resources to sue to gain control over your body,
the case may succeed, but it will be messy and expensive. Worse, given
the time a lawsuit takes, the issue will probably be moot because the
relatives will have time to take action before a judge hears the matter. Of
course, if you are married or legally partnered, you have the automatic
right to make decisions about the disposition of your partner’s remains—
but if your partner dies when not in your home state, that right may not
be recognized.
In most states, written body disposition instructions are legally
binding. Written instructions let you state your wishes and name
someone to carry them out. Contrary to what many believe, your will
178  |  A Legal guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples
is not the best place to leave these instructions. A will is not likely to
be found and acted upon right away after your death. If you anticipate
objections from your family, make sure to write your instructions in
a separate document—either your health care document or another,
separate one—then sign and date it. Here are two examples:
I have made arrangements with the Tri-City Funeral Society regarding
my funeral and burial. I appoint Alfred Gwynne to be responsible for
implementing these arrangements regarding my death.
I have made the following arrangements regarding my death:
1.I have made an agreement with Hillman Hospital, San Francisco,
California, to donate any of my organs or body parts needed by the
hospital.
2.After any such donation, I direct that my remains be cremated, and
my ashes scattered at sea. I have made written arrangements with the
Nicean Society regarding my cremation.
3.I direct that Anna Rodriguez, my good friend and executor, be solely
responsible for ensuring that these instructions are carried out.
Choices Regarding Disposition of the Body
In preparing for your death, you have a number of choices regarding
disposition of your body, including esoteric ones like cryonics—bodyfreezing with the hope of being brought back to life sometime later.
Among the most common are:
• a traditional funeral at a commercial mortuary or funeral home,
which can include embalming; it may also include burial and
religious or social ceremonies for the survivors
• a funeral you arrange with the help of a funeral society—in many
states these organizations provide information about low-cost
funerals and burials, and simple, dignified memorial services.
chapter 6  | medical and Financial Matters: delegating authority |  179
You can find the nearest organization by contacting the Funeral
Consumers’ Alliance, 800-765-0107
• cremation, either through a for-profit cremation company,
mortuary, or funeral home
• donation of your body to a medical school, and
• donation of body parts and organs to hospitals or organ banks.
For decades, funerals and burials were controlled by commercial
funeral parlors, which were both secretive and expensive. The business of
funerals first came under attack in the 1960s, especially through Jessica
Mitford’s muckraking book The American Way of Death. Since then,
reforms have been instituted in most states. Today it’s usually possible to
find good funeral services at a reasonable price if you ask knowledgeable
friends for recommendations and monitor costs closely—and most
importantly, plan in advance to target the services that fit your budget.
A few significant points are:
• Embalming is generally not necessary. It is usually required by law
only when a body must be transported out of the state or country.
• Commercial funerals can cost many thousands of dollars. So shop
around—compare services offered and check the prices charged by
nonprofit funeral societies. Mortuaries are required by law to give
you a list of their goods and services if you ask for one.
• Burial is expensive—especially given the high costs of “perpetual
care” that many cemeteries charge for maintaining the gravesites.
• Donation of your body to a medical school requires specific
arrangements in advance.
• Kidneys, corneas, pituitary glands, heart tissues, and even knee
parts can be transplanted. Some states have adopted the Uniform
Anatomical Gift Act, which lets you authorize the donation of body
parts simply by carrying a short, signed donor card with you. It’s
useful, though, to arrange with a hospital or organ bank to receive,
and use, your donation. Bodies from which organs have been
transplanted may be returned for burial or may be cremated.
• Cremations have increased over the past few years. Cremation is the
burning of the body, followed by the inurnment or scattering of the
ashes. Some state laws allow ashes to be scattered over private land;