Agreements With Teenagers

158  |  A Legal guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples
Resource
For more information about guardianships in California, see The
Guardianship Book for California, by David Brown and Emily Doskow (Nolo).
Court-Appointed Guardianships
A court-ordered guardianship makes sense if the parent is mentally ill or
incarcerated or if a third party—usually a relative—may try to intervene
and get custody.
The guardianship process differs from state to state, and you will
probably need to consult an attorney to learn your local procedures. If
relatives or others object to the guardianship, you’ll definitely need an
attorney’s help. If you anticipate problems with the guardianship process,
you should see an attorney before you begin.
Agreements With Teenagers
When a teen comes to live with gay or lesbian adults—through foster
parenting or a guardianship—the teen and the adults can also consider
making an agreement between them. The purpose isn’t to sue each
other if the garbage isn’t taken out, but to discuss and write down
understandings and expectations. Our sample agreement concerns Eric, a
16-year-old who has come to live with John and David. This form is just
an example to provide food for thought should you find yourself taking
care of a teenager.
chapter 5  | I’m Mom, She’s Mommy (or I’m Daddy, He’s Papa) |  159
Sample Contract Between a Teenager and
the Adults He Will Live With
Eric is coming into John and David’s home; we are making this agreement to
help make our family life together as harmonious and enjoyable as possible. We
realize that circumstances change and we agree to review this agreement every
six months or when one of us requests a review.
All disputes will be carried out with words. This means no punching. It also
means that we will do our best to communicate openly and not assume that
the others should automatically know our concerns.
Eric’s parents will be encouraged to visit if they wish to do so and will be made
as welcome as possible.
John and David will receive $300 from the welfare department as a stipend for
Eric’s support. The money will be used as follows:
$100 for rent
$100 for food
$50 for clothing
$50 for Eric for spending money.
John and David will contribute more to Eric’s support than they are
compensated by welfare. Further, Eric’s $50 per month spending money isn’t
conditioned upon his doing chores. John will be the banker.
Eric agrees to be home by 7 p.m. on school nights and by 1 a.m. on weekends.
He agrees to let John and David know what he’s doing. He also agrees to call
home by 6:30 p.m. on school nights and by 9 p.m. on weekends to request any
later hours.
John and David agree that at least one of them will be home by 6:30 pm on
weeknights and by 1 a.m. on weekends, and agree to leave a note on the
refrigerator or call if there’s any change.
Dinner is considered a special time, and will be served around 7:30 pm.
Everyone is expected to be present if at all possible.
Eric will not use drugs.
Eric will be enrolled in public school and agrees to attend regularly.
160  |  A Legal guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples
John and David will shop, do the general cleaning, cook, keep the household
accounts, do the wash, and do the maintenance around the house.
Eric will clean up after dinner and wash dishes twice a week. He will also take
out the garbage—without being asked—and pitch in on small chores and large
cleaning jobs. We will divide the yard work.
John agrees to be home at least two nights a week and David agrees to be home
two nights a week. Tuesday nights and Saturday afternoons are times together
and no one can make plans unless they include everyone—except if we all agree
otherwise.
The stereo equipment is David’s. He admits he’s a fanatic about it, but it was
expensive. So everyone agrees only David will use it. He will attempt to either
play music everyone enjoys or use earphones. He’s willing to put albums, tapes,
and CDs on for others. The radio and TV can be used by all, and the volume is
to be kept at a moderate level.
Smoking is permitted only in the back room.
Eric has his room and is free to lock it if he chooses. John and David have their
room, and they may lock it if they choose. Everyone’s privacy is respected. Eric
will keep his room neat—but it’s his room and as long as he confines his mess to
this area, there will be peace. Eric won’t spread his belongings around the rest of
the house. If he does, they will be placed in his room.
John and David aren’t used to sharing their home with a lot of people so Eric is
permitted only one guest at a time and only when someone else is home, unless
other arrangements have been made; Eric is responsible for his guest’s behavior.
We agree to meet with Jeff Lakely, the social worker, every other week and
candidly discuss our joys and problems.
5/15/20xx
Eric Farmer
5/15/20xx
David Roberts
5/15/20xx
John Torres
Date
Date
Date
Eric Farmer
David Roberts
John Torres
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