Family and Couples Therapy

515
Group, Family, and Couples Therapy
TA B L E
13.3
Some “Rules for Talking” in
Couples Therapy
Many forms of couples therapy
help partners improve communiby
cation through establishing rules
such as these. Think about your own experience in relationships or your observations
of couples as they interact, and then write
down some rules you would add to this list.
Why do you think it would be important for
couples to follow the rules on your list?
doing
2
learn
1. Always begin with something positive when stating a problem.
2. Use specific behaviors rather than derogatory labels or overgeneralizations to
describe what is bothersome about the other person.
3. Make connections between those specific behaviors and feelings that arise in
response to them (e.g., “It makes me sad when you . . .”).
4. Admit your own role in the development of the problem.
5. Be brief; don’t lecture or harangue.
6. Maintain a focus on the present or the future; don’t review all previous examples of
the problem or ask “why” questions such as “Why do you always . . .?”
7. Talk about observable events; don’t make inferences about them (e.g., say “I get
angry when you interrupt me” rather than “Stop trying to make me feel stupid”).
8. Paraphrase what your partner has said, and check out your own perceptions of
what was said before responding. (Note that this suggestion is based on the same
principle as Rogers’s empathic listening.)
about their attitudes and behavior. Fifth, perhaps through mutual modeling, the group
experience makes clients more sensitive to other people’s needs, motives, and messages.
Finally, group therapy allows clients to try out new skills in a supportive environment.
Family and Couples Therapy
family therapy A type of treatment
involving two or more clients from the
same family.
couples therapy A form of therapy
that focuses on improving communication between partners.
As its name implies, family therapy involves treatment of two or more individuals
from the same family. One of these, often a troubled adolescent or child, is the initially
identified client. Whether family therapy is based on psychodynamic, humanistic, or
cognitive-behavioral approaches, the family is usually considered as a functioning unit
known as a family system. As with group therapy, the family therapy format gives the
therapist an excellent view of how the initially identified client interacts with others,
thus providing a basis for discussion of topics important to each family member. And
as with group therapists, family therapists usually have special training that helps them
understand how the problems of individual family members affect and are affected by
problems in the complex interactions taking place within the family system as a whole
(Beels, 2002; Pilling et al., 2002; Williams, 2005). Ultimately, the client in family therapy is the family itself, and treatment involves as many members as possible. In fact,
the goal of family therapy is not just to ease the identified client’s problems but also to
create greater harmony and balance within the family by helping each member understand family interaction patterns and the problems they create (Blow & Timm, 2002;
Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 1995).
In couples therapy, improving communication between partners is one of the most
important targets of treatment (Christensen et al., 2004; Gurman & Jacobson, 2002).
Discussion in couples therapy sessions typically focuses on identifying and improving
the miscommunication or lack of communication that is interfering with the couples’
happiness and intimacy. Often, the sessions revolve around learning to abide by certain
“rules for talking,” such as those listed in Table 13.3. For some therapists, helping couples become closer also means helping them to express emotions more honestly and to
be more accepting of one another (Shadish & Baldwin, 2005; Wood et al., 2005). Some
therapists even offer preventive treatment to couples who are at risk for relationship
problems (Jacobson et al., 2000; Laurenceau et al., 2004). (“In Review: Approaches to
Psychological Treatment” summarizes key features of the main approaches to treatment
that we have discussed so far.)